Aardvark

Alright, first thing's first. Buy a ticket to China. Now, China's a big country, about the size of 14 Texas's, in American terms. But you can get pretty much anywhere there by rickshaw, so all you need is a plane ticket to Beijing. Flying from Atlanta straight to Beijing (we're talking one way; you can just live with your Panda) will cost $750. Not too bad! So, now you're in Beijing. What next? Go find your panda, of course! Make sure that you have your panda's (let's call her Sue for now) spot layout memorized, that's the only way you'll be able to identify her. You should probably start by checking zoos. That's where most pandas live. There are 239 pandas living in captivity and another 1,590 living in the wild in China, so you should be able to sort through them all in, say, 6 months if you run. And if this love is real, you can run. So now you've found your Sue! Congratulations! Now what? Well, make sure you can provide for her. A panda's diet is 99% bamboo, so make sure you've got enough. Better plant a field. Women like a man who plans for the future. Bamboo can grow really quickly. Seriously, it's the fastest-growing plant on earth. Sometimes it can grow multiple feet in a single hour! So you should have your field of bamboo all ready in about a day. But you want to be a good husband, right? And what good house-husband only feeds one meal? Pandas like fish, honey, eggs, and yams for treats. Better go with yams, because they are the most awesome. The Wikipedia section on Panda reproduction goes into way too much detail, so I'll just clue you in: don't try it. That's about all the advice I can give you for now; just remember: Sue is going to be pretty temperamental for the first months, maybe even years of what will surely be a long-lasting relationship. Just treat her right, bathe her frequently, and remember: true love will ALWAYS overcome.

Oh, and don't tell your parents. It'll only confuse them.